Honest Trailers: The Lion King
by Lavender Springwood
Summary: This summer... revisit the only Disney film... that was able to make every child in America cry.


**I have been watching a lot of _Honest Trailers_ by _Screen Junkies_ on YouTube. And I thought, "Hey, why don't I make one for _The Lion King_?"**

**If you don't know who the _Screen Junkies_ are, or what an _Honest Trailers_ is, I suggest going onto YouTube right now, and watching one. I personally recommend their trailers for _The Amazing Spider-Man_,_ Inception_, _Jurassic Park_, or_ Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  
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**The concept is, this awesome Don Lafontaine impersonator provides an epic trailer for a specific film, and explains the entire premise with hilarious honesty that is too brutal for his own good._  
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**This is not meant to offend any _Lion King_ fans. As a lot of you may know, I am a huge _Lion King_ fan— just like every one of you here... and this is all in good fun. I may do other films, too.**  
**Enjoy.**

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This summer...  
Re-experience the most traumatizing movie death of your childhood... that gave every child separation anxiety... needlessly converted into 3-D!  
The Lion King: 3-D!

Or, more like Hamlet... in Africa.

With a cast of well-respected and highly acclaimed actors, they are all wondering... why they are doing a movie... about cartoon lions running a government.  
All with American, British, Caribbean, Spanish, East Coast, and Ebonic accents... eventhough the story takes place in Africa.  
_(...?)_

...Witness this royal melting pot put on this golden masterpiece, with a plot so staggeringly similar to Hamlet, you'll wonder how Disney pulled the whole thing off, without Shakepeare noticing, and claiming the rights to the movie.

Revisit all the awesome 90's Disney songs you love... like... _I Just Can't Wait For Dad to Die_, _How Far Can You Keep This Rated G Tonight?, Be Prepared to Be Scarred Like Me, and The Round Ecosystem Song._  
And remember... all the dangling babies off dangerously high places... the messed up physics. (_Cue shot of wildbeest stampede going down 90_°_ angle_)...

And the dangling off cliffs.

When Home Improvement Kid becomes the next heir to an African kingdom, his jealous uncle with a disfigured eye, plots to murder him and his father... conducting a painstaking, elaborate scheme that involves thousands of awesome and complex, nail-biting CGI effects... but ultimately just decides to throw his brother off a cliff.  
(_"Long live the king...!"_)

Marking a first in Disney Villainy... where the bad guy actually accomplishes what he wanted, who was doing so well with his plan, he blows it completely by telling the main character what he's done.  
Seriously?

Sparking the most tragic event in Disney history, causing Home Improvement Kid to run away... leaving his evil uncle let his giggling sidekicks screw up the entire ecosystem... and turn his future inheritance, into a crapheap.

At the same time, Home Improvement Kid meets... a thing with a New York accent... and a whoopee cushion... and who are two of the most obnoxious characters in movie history, you'll wonder why—he just doesn't eat them.  
Who are also, er, uh, kinda fun.

For half an hour, watch Home Improvement Kid grow up to be... Matthew Broderick...! Eat bugs...! Do struts across long logs... and transform... into a lazy bum.  
And live under a weird African phrase... that teaches kids to throw all negligible conflict out the window. But the atrocity of the moral won't matter... because the viewers will be completely engrossed in singing it to one of the film's catchy, million-dollar tunes.  
(_"Hakuna Matata!"_)

NO WORRIES. INDEED.

STARRING...!

_Ferris Bueller (Adult Simba)_

_Darth Vader (Mufasa)_

___Clichéd British_ Bad Guy (Scar)

_Mr. Bean (Zazu)_

_Old Crazy Geezer (Rafiki)_

_Disgruntled Girlfriend (Nala)_

_Meerkat Manor Reject (Timon)_

_Flatulence (Pumbaa)_

_Recasted African Queen (Sarabi)_

_Cheech No-Chong (Banzai)_

_Whoopi Goldberg (Shenzi)_

_Spaz! (Ed)_

_And The Kid from Home Improvement (Young Simba)_

Rewitness the excitement... the drama... the action... the epicness that was your childhood, for only 30 dollars a ticket, and without dying a slow, agonizing, brainless death... in your high school English class.

Ugh.  
At least this was the last we've heard of Elton John.

Thanks for watching! And be sure to Subscribe to hear other things you'd like me to say in my awesome trailer voice!

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**Ahh... that was at least an **_**attempt **_**at an **_**Honest Trailer**_**. I hoped you enjoyed it. Wow, the longer I watch **_**The Lion King**_**, the easier it is to make fun of it. Thanks again for reading. Reviews welcome.**


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